![]() Last night I decided to read through the whole original manuscript of “I am scared of Church Girls.” This was once going to be the greatest book ever put to print (after the Bible of course). Considering that it was mostly written before 2010, it was an interesting read to reflect on my own life and also the thoughts I had back then about dating, church, girls in general, etc. I was wondering to myself how much I have changed during the better part of this last decade. Life tends to change us all in some shape or form through our experiences. My life experiences have rocked my world since I have had several interesting career moves that involved being a professional athlete, sports ambassador to North Korea, founder and director of a Non-Profit organization, even a stint as a school principal and a variety of other things (not bad for a few years work). The world around me in that same amount of time is that much crazier as well. Donald Trump is the president and is actually doing fairly well, North Korea and the USA are talking, the Kardashians are still a thing somehow, the world is engaged in a massive refugee crisis, Hollywood keeps making Transformers movies, and the list goes on and on. However, there are a few things that have remained the same through this time. My faith in Jesus has never been stronger and regardless of how hard I try I AM STILL SCARED OF CHURCH GIRLS! And yes, that means I am still single with still no hope in sight. I recently celebrated my 37th birthday. Birthdays have routinely become simply another day for me for a variety of reasons. However, this day was a little different. It was a slow day and because of that, I got caught up in a depressing spiral of thought that really made me touch on a variety of emotions. For the first time I really spoke out to God and asked him “Will I be single forever?” On most days, I feel I have resigned myself to that idea that if I am going to die a single man I might as well embrace it. And although on this day I still embraced it, I asked God “but why?” It is not like it is my heart’s desire to not want to be with someone. It is the complete opposite, I burn with desire to be with someone. It is not like there are no single girls out there. The stats are still about the same as we shared before, it is still about 4 to 1 in my favor. And it is not like I am not actively trying. The reality for me is that I feel like I am still failing. So, in the light of these few points, I found and still find myself asking God “WHY?” and of course when there is nothing but silence from God on this topic, I tend to formulate my own answers in hopes to solve the mystery. I think about all the physical reasons as to why girls don’t find me attractive. I make a list of all my potential personality flaws and plethora of quirks that might send a beautiful girl running for her dear life. I ponder through my lifestyle and career choices and assume that most girls just don’t care to be a part of it. I make a spreadsheet of things that I wonder if I can change to perhaps make myself more marketable.
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LUKE R ELIE Archives
February 2021
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