![]() *Just a quick apology for being late on these posts. I am in China for the summer conducting ministry and it is hard to stay on top of this. Thank you for patience and keeping up. We live in a society where the term “family” is evolving at a rapid pace. Dysfunctional is the in thing and broken is the new normal. Discovering a traditional intact family in some places may be equated to finding a unicorn or Big Foot. The family institution was one of the greatest creations and gifts God made for us. It is through the family unit that we can see many attributes of God’s love at work. Families are an interesting dichotomy. In one sense, your family can be your safe bubble where you enjoy comfort and security. But the same family that provides peace and love is the same people that cause wounds deeper than the Grand Canyon. Family members have ways of getting under one’s skin unlike anyone else. How can a family be so complicated? We do not have time to dive into all the reasoning for this polarization but we do want to acknowledge it. It is impossible to begin to answer the questions involving the complications of church dating without understanding how complicated families can be. As Christian men and women, we refer to ourselves as brothers and sisters and we also like to believe as scripture insinuates that we are adopted children of God our Father. So, pretty much that makes us all family. Therefore it is essential to understand how family works and operates to gain a deeper understanding of church (or at least how God intended it to be). However, last I checked, marrying within family is considered incest. That’s totally gross!!! I mean, how often do you go to a family reunion and pick up a date? If your answer is anything less than NEVER, then I should assume you have a problem or you are from Kentucky (Sorry! I couldn’t resist). I just offended all my followers from Kentucky. Oops! When you as a couple step out on faith and start dating within the church family, your relationship will often seem a bit larger than just say you and the other person. You will have eyes and ears all over you. Welcome to the fish bowl. Perhaps if you are in a bigger church it might feel like an ocean. However, trying to keep a relationship a secret in the church is like trying to hide a fireworks display in the summer night time sky. Basically, people are going to see it, gravitate toward it, observe it, and eventually give their commentary on it. Just like a typical Fourth of July fireworks show at the local park. As we all know, everyone is different. Some people like the attention they receive from having their relationship observed and scrutinized. While others can easily fall apart under the pressure of the scrutiny and obvious whispers. There are many people who like the family involved and the accountability it can bring. But there are just as many who like their relationships to be exclusive and prefer to never be seen. Regardless of the pros and cons of this weight, it is something that should be expected when dating someone within your church family. Try dating someone without your immediate family knowing about it. Oh sure, you can hide it for a while, but the truth will find you! And my mother is the truth! For the next couple of weeks I hope to unpack this topic of dating within the church family in more detail. But as you all know (or you should know), every family is different. Every church is a little different. And of course, every person is different. No two snowflakes are the same. While some stories and examples will be true for some people, they may be entirely offensive to others. And I understand that family is a sensitive subject for many people. With all that said; stay tuned!
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LUKE R ELIE Archives
February 2021
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